It is July 4th, I didn’t go anywhere but stay at home doing my own work.
Holiday is not the reason for me to stop my life plans though. I turned down so many friends’ invites….actually I have tomorrow off too, so today shouldn’t be this precious, because “you can always leave it for tomorrow”. Anyway, I stayed at home and completed my mission today. Maybe I am just too selfish to care about my social life?
Last night I passed out at 7 pm and got up at 4am this morning. I suddenly forgot where I was, I even thought I was in China, lying on the small bed in my University dorm…until 2 minutes later, I realized it is New York City now. I felt so good, so it is not a dream.
I always think this is a dream, and I will wake up someday.
Thank God it is not.
My life has just started after all these years….everything has changed, but in the way I want it to be.
Read Simone de Beauvoir‘s Love Letters to Nelson Algren, she asked: ” Nelson, I love you. But do I deserve your love if I don’t give you my life? I tried to explain to you I can’t give my life to you. Do you understand it? Are you not resentful about it? Will you never be? Will you always believe yet it is really love I am giving to you?”
I do understand. Because I am a selfish one.
When you get every lesson you learned and fight on your own the whole way, you will never give yourself out fully there to someone.
However, I still miss my little hometown, though I never had a home.
What's Your Road? 