During the week while I am waiting for my on-hold books to arrive at the nearby library, I found some Chinese books on my smartphone to read. There’s something that killed me from a famous HongKongese writer. She points out that
“The more one travels, the more one becomes heartless. He is easy to get into any crowd, get along with people from different ground, meanwhile he is easy to get out off any network he builds. If you are an emotional and kind-hearted person, you probably cannot stand a floating life because you cannot stand the sadness of farewell. Once there is a person being on the road for a long time, no doubt he is cold inside. He is getting used to saying goodbyes, and he has no need to share.”
Holly Golightly, who is from the Breakfast at Tiffany’s, was full of tears when she rejected to her husband when he came to New York to take her home. “Goodbye Doc, I love you, but I am not the Lulamae anymore… ” This scene constantly reminds me of myself. For how many times I have told my old friends and my family that I am not the one you think I am anymore, so I walk away.
Watched a short video from Ted’s Talk tonight, a Taiwanese woman was explaining to the audience the beauty of Chinese Characters. Everyone seems impressed by each strokes of single character. Somehow it grieved me. That is the language I grow up with and understand the most, the only language that I could call “native” no matter how long I’ve studied in English and Spanish.
However, I’ve changed my name, my lifestyle, my network, even have been trying hard to avoid people who speak the same language as me. Sometimes I even don’t have any chance to speak Chinese for a couple of weeks. But I need this change, and I cannot help myself.
It has been a long time since I left home, I’ve forgotten too many things. My beloved hometown will be evaporated from my mind soon or later.
I can’t return, though currently I am still not sure if I will settle down in New York City (that is why I need money, money is always the resolution). I won’t return.
After all, I am just one of the heartless people. I am much colder than you.
What's Your Road? 